My 5 Tips on Romantic Love

These tips are based on the assumption that you are in an emotionally healthy and abuse free relationship. If your relationship is not healthy or has abusive elements, I encourage you to reach out to a professional for guidance in navigating your relationship.

1. Know that the passion, intensity, zest and absolute sheer awesomeness of every relationship will fade. In fact it must fade – it is simply impossible to maintain this emotional state over the long haul. Many experts state that this emotional state will fade out after roughly two years.

2. Newness is one of the reasons for this fade – the first few years of a relationship (or the first few years of living together, of being married, of having kids….) have a high number of new experiences. So, one way to help recapture moments of the initial passion, intensity, zest or awesomeness is to do new things – create  new traditions or rituals, for example how you celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, valentine’s day, and do new things together, such as a new hobby, seeing new sights, going to new eateries, etc….

3. Another way to re-ignite passion is to do exciting, adrenaline releasing activities together. Now this doesn’t mean you need to start doing daredevil stunts or extreme sports, but some adventuresome activities may be in order. In addition non-adventuresome activities, which you create anticipation and enthusiasm around, will also generate excitement.

4. Talk – have actual, old school, genuine conversations. Turn off and put away all electronics, turn the TV off, minimize the distractions from children, family members, roommates, etc… and have lighthearted, serious, shallow, deep conversations. Share your emotions – regardless of what they are – and your thoughts with one another.

5. Every long-term relationship has pockets of time where they simply are no fun and it is natural to see oneself as stuck (keep in mind that just because the grass looks greener on the other side, doesn’t actually mean it is – most often it isn’t). Rather than thinking of yourself as stuck, think of yourself as making an active choice each and every day to have your relationship. While the choice you made at the ‘altar’ (be it an actual altar or the day you and your partner decided to commit) was beautiful, moving and meaningful – the choice you make every day to be an active participant in your relationship, to work towards the best version of your relationship is a far more important, pithy and enduring choice.

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